A new book geared towards aspiring foodies recently hit stores nationwide. Except you probably shouldn't follow any of its advice, unless you actually want to make "crab dorks" and "sweet pork smear" for your friends. FUDS: A Complete Encyclofoodia from Tickling Shrimp to Not Dying in a Restaurant is brought to you by the same people who put together this sublime menu. It's just as loopy as that lineup, and if you don't believe us, check out this condensed version of their "guide" to regional dishes. It's guaranteed to make you homesick Midwesterners crave a traditional Schitziewurst in a Bacon Bikini.
-Creamed Trout with a Pilgrim's Belt Buckle
-Chunky Barnacle Broth
-Dry Boston Brown Beans in Paper Sauce
-White Bread with Whiskey Dumped on It
-Sugar Butter Pie with Sugar Buttered Crust
-Softcover Pelican Brief with Gravy
-Schitziewurst in a Bacon Bikini
-Cheesy Dough Bowl
-Heated Meat on a Paper Plate
-Kansas City, Missouri, Chickens
-West Coast Chicken
-Peanut Butter and Cactus Sandwich
Kristin Hunt is a Food/Drink staff writer for Thrillist, and could go for a Cheesy Dough Bowl and Wine Salad combo. Follow her at @kristin_hunt.