People on the Internet don't agree on much of anything, but if there's one thing that brings anonymous commenters together, it's mocking. When the Yelp community teams up for this noble goal, things usually get petty, but when the Amazon peeps join forces, the results are gold. So check out these food/drink product reviews colorfully detailing their effects on the nervous system and role in broken marriages.
Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon When confronted with a simple gallon of whole milk, most people say "gross", or that Anchorman quote, and move on. Not the reviewers of Amazon, who latched onto Tuscan's 128oz jug with a wild zeal, offering everything from deleted soap opera scenes to this handy, homemade stain remover spin.
'Mindhunter's' Holt McCallany Talks About His Favorite Serial Killers Over Tequila
Dave's Ghost Pepper Naga Jolokia Hot Sauce Icarus analogies are aplenty on the Dave's Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce page. Some accuse it of being forged in the crucible of hell, others complain of the stomach weasel side-effects, but all agree your taste buds shouldn't fly too close to this sun.
Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears These demon gummies are the ones that make 280lb men sob and mirror colon endoscopies. But if you're looking for a pure service review, you gotta go with this guy's other suggested purchases.
Blue Raspberry Rock Candy Crystals Spoiler alert for you lazy people still watching season two on Netflix: this candy looks a lot like the blue meth from Breaking Bad, and so every review is laden with obvious Jesse Pinkman quotes. Well, except for this one by G. Boettecher, who also recently purchased a fine karaoke scarf.