A very specific film genre popularized the notion that the pizza delivery person is someone who delivers pizza... and also sex. Turns out that truth is stranger than fiction, because being a pizza delivery person might be even a little more sordid and crazy than it's depicted in film. That's according to an actual Domino's pizza delivery girl who works in an undisclosed college town and did a hilarious Q&A on Reddit.
Domino's driver Average_banana fielded questions from a slew of Redditors over the last 24 hours, revealing stories of the insane things people do when they've had a few too many and order a pizza, why hot pepperoni is a job hazard, and what happens after you give in and do a bong hit with a customer. This story is so interesting you're going to finish it and be left with no leftovers.
Do people ever greet her at the door naked?
Everyone wants to know if customers answering the door naked is as common as it is in the movies. Sometimes! "Normally, it's when I interrupt people in the middle of doing it," she said. Pizza must be some sort of aphrodisiac.
You should never pick up a hot pizza (part one)
She's encountered her fair share of irate customers, but this one was quite memorable. "Once, a pair of drunk girls came in and tried to buy some pizza," she explained. "When their card [was] declined, they got really upset and started screaming that her father [invented] Foursquare."
Surely if that were true, their card wouldn't have been declined, right? But then things took a turn for the macabre. "They then proceeded to walk to the oven and pick the pizza up with their bare hands, burning the shit out of them." That's what you get for picking up pizza directly out of the oven!
You should never pick up a hot pizza (part two)
When a Redditor asked the Domino's employee how many slices of pepperoni she's stolen from customers, she had a surprising answer. Warning: This might make your skin crawl. "You'd be surprised how hot those little shits get out of the oven," she said. "If you touch them, your skin is coming off."
Tipping with bud
While the delivery driver said she's offered weed on a weekly basis (she does work in a college town, after all), she's only taken one customer up on the offer. "I took [a bong hit] once, and regretted it immediately. Every car turned into a cop after that," she admitted. That's mad trippy.
Cheese balls = great tip
While cash is obviously the best thing you can tip a delivery person, coming in a close second is apparently a big ole container of Cheesy Poofs. "My favorite [non-monetary tip] so far has been an unopened tub of cheese balls," she said. So next time you're out of cash to give the delivery driver, look to see what's in your kitchen cabinets!
Dealing with customers (and their pets) is a serious drag
It's bad enough having to deal with screaming customers who have had a few too many, but it's another thing to have to deal with… their cats?
"One time I delivered to a crazy cat lady," she said. "There were cats all in her yard and house. When I tried to leave, several cats jumped in my car. I had to get them all out before I could leave." We hope that cat lady tipped a ton.
If you tip well, delivery drivers will take care of you
One way to get your food quickly from a delivery driver is to tip well on a regular basis. When one Redditor asked if he gets "taken care of" by the restaurant because he tips well, her answer was a resounding yes.
"We know you by name and will fight for your delivery," she said. We imagine that means you'll get your food faster, and you'll make a bunch of delivery drivers very happy.
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