The "Haunted Banana" Prank Is the Best Thing You'll See on the Internet This Week
Generally, I consider bananas to be decidedly not terrifying.
I don't want to go out on a limb, but I feel like most of the American population would agree with me here. Bananas are relatively inoffensive. Great for digestion. And -- if you buy into Kirk Cameron's way of life -- direct proof that God exists.
But this week, former Scrubs writer Kevin Biegel -- (yes, apparently they did in fact have writers on that show) showed the world a devious, brilliant, and by accounts ungodly prank that requires only bananas -- and a bit of free time.
It's this kind of creative vigor that earned the esteemed Biegel the Peabody Award for television writing. The genius here is that the "hidden" message doesn't appear till hours later, when the punctured skin of the banana browns. It's an angiosperm-centric riff on the "message on a steamy mirror" classic, and frankly, more creative.
In honor of Biegel's stroke of Dennis the Menace-esque ingenuity, here are some of the funniest/creepiest/"what's-the-difference?" things you -- at home -- can write on your respective bananas. Scared loved ones! Alienate friends! Get yourself banned from the office fridge!
Just don't blame Thrillist (our lawyer told us to write that).
1. "I know what you did" (this was Biegel's example, and a consummate choice and could apply to anyone).
3. "I'm not really a banana, you know."
4. "Your Mom is fat."
5. "You are NOT the father!"
6. "I find you unapeeling"
7. "You will die in seven days"
8. "You are already dead, actually"
9. "Snape killed Dumbledore"
10. "This shit is bananas - Gwen Stefani"
11. "The banana is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE"
12. "I hate you"
13. "I hate Kirk Cameron"
14. "I am become death!"
15. "Please don't eat me"
16. "Please do actually eat me"
17. "Does God exist?"
18. "Do you exist?"
19. "Aren't we all just bananas, at the end of the day, really?"
20. "I might be poison!"
21. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."