HOW'S IT TASTE ON SCRAMBLED EGGS?
Sriracha: The pungent sulfurous aromas of egg are just begging for a big, garlicky beating. Sriracha comes through with a smack-down of savory.
Yellowbird: The one note egg flavor needs a single, old-fashioned dancing partner, not a team of fanciful acrobats. Yellowbird is Cirque du Soleil.
The rooster's just a more natural way to wake up in the morning.
Both Sriracha and Yellowbird won four categories each, making this the worst of all outcomes: a tie. Yet we must declare a winner.
Yellowbird excelled when eaten straight with no food chaser, but nobody except nutritionally deficient children and masochistic competitive eaters consume condiments that way, so the tie-break has to go to the sauce that performed best when paired with food.
That sauce is Sriracha.
We tip our hats and repeatedly raise our glasses of water to our mouths in honor of Yellowbird. It's a complex bed of tastes that still manages to be really, really hot, but it hasn't quite cracked the code of complementing food. If it learns to play better with others, it could someday truly be king of the coop.
Dan Gentile is a staff writer on Thrillist's national food/drink team who doesn't have central heating in his house and often resorts to hot sauce to stay warm. Follow him to warmth at @Dannosphere.