Food & Drink

Things You'll Never Hear a Chef Say

If you could be a fly on the wall in your favorite restaurant's kitchen... you better get the hell out of there before the health department comes. Why would you want your favorite restaurant shut down?! Regardless, chefs in restaurant kitchens have plenty of opinions, and if you hang out in one long enough, you'll probably hear a few. But there are some things you'll never hear a chef say.


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Things they'll never say about customers

"We better make this dish perfect, I hear the customer's a Yelper."

"Everyone gather 'round for this bit of great news! A customer modified a dish we purposely created in a very specific way!"

"I respect any customer who orders a dish and then asks me to plate it so that none of the food touches."

Things they'll never say about servers

"I feel bad for those servers -- they must have super-tired hands from rolling all that silverware."

"Those servers work way harder than me, and are compensated fairly for their hard work!"

"Cooking for 1,200 people is a cakewalk compared to servers who have to write down the names of dishes on a notepad."

Things they'll never say about money

"Wow, my bank balance this month is crazy high due to all the hours I've put in!"

"Can I tip out the servers tonight for working so hard?"

"No seriously, those servers deserve every penny they earn."

Things they'll never say about working in a kitchen

"Let's turn off the flames so we're not so hot back here!"

"It's my station, and I'll set it up however I want."

"Great news, everyone -- management has installed another mat on the floor for our ailing feet!"


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Things they'll never say about drinking

"That's 365 straight days where no one working here is hungover!"

"When my shift's over, I'm going to have a single drink at the bar and go home. It's important for me to show up tomorrow for work and not be hungover."

"My boss is the best -- he said I didn't have to show up for work tomorrow if I'm too hungover."

Things they'll never say about their work schedule

"I'm so glad I can always take off as much time as I need."

"There's nothing more rewarding than working brunch."

"Sure, my weekend's free!"

Thanks to Jeremy Kittelson of Denver's Edible Beats restaurant group for helping out with this story.

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Lee Breslouer is a senior writer for Thrillist, and wants to know what you never say. Follow him to listening @LeeBreslouer.