The final verdict
Sweet Scrooge McDuck! It's not half bad! It's like somebody took all the sauce, cheese, and "pepperoni" from one of those Party Pizzas and slopped it onto the crust from Chuck E. Cheese's, but didn't force you to listen to terrifying robots sing pop songs. Was it worth the time, and getting rid of all those empty pizza roll tubes? Trick question: I ate most of those, sucker.
But no, it's not great. Also not great is my stomach. My couch -- and some sweet, sexy Cinemax -- are now calling.
(Editor's note: Because food waste is bad, Thrillist has made a donation to the Oregon Food Bank to offset the wasted pizza rolls.)
Andy Kryza is a senior editor on Thrillist's Food & Drink team who really should have invoiced some Tums for this one. Follow him to the nearest pharmacy via @apkryza.