When choosing to spend a Sunday puking and watching Point Break on repeat, we tend to take preemptive strikes. But when we're unexpectedly faced with the prospect of a box of tissues, a bucket, and a pack of Halls, we usually reach for the Campbell's. But you don't have to resign yourself to such mediocre sick foods, friends! The truth is, you can eat like a non-genetically-enfeebled king while nursing a cold, as sushi, Vietnamese, and even booze can help curtail that sickness. Just follow this simple guide to nursing a cold like a boss.
How to beat a cold by eating pizza and drinking whiskey
Zinc's got a lot of things going for it, including its ability to cut a cold's lifespan short. Zinc supplements, however, have a habit of causing headaches and nausea, things you're already dealing with when you're sick. The solution? Start pounding oyster shooters, which give you a good dose of zinc minus the side-effects... except horniness. But surveys reveal that everyone loves horny sick people.
Carbs are also pretty essential sources of zinc and iron, which is why all those Atkins people spend so much time with their skinny bodies in bed. Whole-wheat pasta is a source of both, and gives your body the energy it needs to get mending.
How often do you see monkeys with colds? NEVER! And that's because
you're not a zookeeper bananas are loaded with essential nutrients like vitamin C and electrolytes, and have been proven to curb nausea.
No, we're not telling you to go on a steady diet of candy while sick (we're not not saying to do that either), but organic dark chocolate contains a ton of antioxidants, which are key in fighting illness. Also, zinc. Because apparently that stuff's in everything. So yeah... gorge on candy.
Orange juice, grapefruit juice, lemon juice... they're all full of vitamins, and all essential cold remedies. So, you know, go on a bender of screwdrivers, greyhounds, and lemon drops (actually, don't do that... alcohol isn't your friend during a cold).
On The Walking Dead, the one-legged doctor who looks like Colonel Sanders revealed that elderberries help alleviate fever. He didn't mention that their roots and leaves are poisonous. Moral of the story? Get some elderberry tea, but don't go out and make your own. AND DON'T GO IN THE BARN!
The oilier of Nemo's cousins -- tuna, mackerel, and salmon -- are all sources of immune-system-boosting Omega 3, and all of them are mainstays of sushi. Pair that with some health-boosting ginger and some sinus-clearing wasabi, and you'll find that being Omega Man is the best way to get healthy without having to eat chicken noodle soup all the time.
Pho is a much richer prospect than Progresso, and has way more pun-tential. The basil, sprouts, and rich bone broth are loaded with nutrients, the fatty brisket's full of iron, the noodles have your carbs covered, and the peppers'll turn your clogged nostrils into fountains after a few bites.
We know you just rolled your eyes (we can see you), but hang on. We're not talking a Hot & Ready. Pick your toppings right, and pizza can be a nice booster. Try a combo of antioxidant-loaded garlic; red peppers, which are packed with vitamin C; potassium-, B vitamin-, and fiber-rich mushrooms, and the protein of your choice. You'll understand why the Ninja Turtles never got sick, despite living in a literal sewer.
Cabbage is gross. But cabbage is also thought to prevent cancer and ulcers because it's loaded with vitamin C, fiber, and glucosinolates, which are some sort of phytochemical, which are some sort of chemical, which are apparently good for you. It also means you should totally be ingesting a steady diet of Polish sausages and Reubens from your bed.
They're not just for spitting all over the dugout during softball. Sunflower seeds are rich in vitamin E, which protects cell walls from getting all messed up while you're sick and are essential to the health of your lungs... meaning they'll help heal all that damage done from hacking all the time when you're ill.
Just because the doctor told you not to drink doesn't mean you're gonna stop drinking, so go with a toddy: The hot whiskey'll open up your swollen throat, the honey'll sooth it, and the lemon/ginger combo'll give you vitamins and nutrients. Order seven. Doctor's orders.
*Thrillist is not a doctor. Consult your actual doctor-person with one of those head-stethoscopes on all Thrillist-based medical suggestions. Thrillist may cause nausea, severe necrosis of the gums, dyslexia, dry mouth, Oedipal complexes, and erectile over-performance. Ask your doctor if Thrillist is right for you. Actually, don't do that.