Step three: Same thing with your server
Push this hard. To keep them at a safe distance when the moment comes, you really need to get your (non-existent) money’s worth. Make up your own menu items, demand instant refills on everything (including loaded potato skins -- “Hey, are you going to reload these fuckers or WHAT??”), demand to see a gluten-free menu and then order something made of bread -- really go all out here. Your goal is to make your server dread the sight of you so that they spend as much time away from your table as possible. If that means there’s a slight chance they give in to their rage and do something unspeakable to you with a cheese grater, well, that’s a risk you’re just going to have to take.
Step four: When dashing time comes, don’t make it obvious
And now, the whole point of the damn thing: the dash. Obviously, you’re going to want to be subtle about this; running out of the restaurant screaming “I AM THE MASTER OF DINNERTIME” is less than ideal. Remember, you are literally a thief in the night, or possibly early afternoon -- act like one. Don’t be loud. Unlike what you’ve done for the previous part of the evening, don’t draw attention to yourself. Crucial: you have to make your move BEFORE you get the check -- once you’ve got it, they’re going to come back as quickly as possible, to finally get you out of there. Leave quietly, but confidently: if you look like you know you’re doing something horrendously awful, you’re way more likely to get stopped (and possibly tased, as per the fantasy of everyone who has ever had the misfortune to meet you).