6. Stomp those feet
Throwing a tantrum -- especially loudly accusing hosts, bartenders, or servers of bad behavior in order to get a table faster -- sadly works, because in the service industry, you have to make sure your guests leave happy, even if they’re not really supposed to be your guests.
Level of effectiveness: 4. You're an ass, but an ass that's seated and eating.
7. Be REALLY nice
Say you'll sit anywhere, joke about how you reallyyy can't wait to indulge in their insanely delicious lobster steak, acknowledge how absolutely swamped they are, and how much you appreciate their help. The kinder and more patient you are, the more they want to accommodate you.
Level of effectiveness: 5. You may have a little wait, but your name is going down in the books as a respected customer. Thank them by name on your way out.