It's the original for a reason. Raw beef is cool, pliable, and occupies your mind with thoughts of sizzling meat while you're still reeling from that right hook.
If you don't have any ribeyes lying around, this'll do. Sausage and turkey patties are also acceptable. Veggie patties are weird, though, and may explain why you have that black eye in the first place.
An Uncrustables sandwich
Was this a playground fight and your mom is icing your black eye for you?