How to talk (and not talk) like a foodie: a primer

All photos by Andy Kryza
All photos by Andy Kryza

Both foodies and people who just have to eat (aka everybody) can always agree on the fact that they love food. How they talk about it? Well, that's a very, very different story. In the name of science, we invited a hardcore foodie and a normal dude to have dinner together, commenting along the way about what was going in their mouths.


The Foodie says: "The subtle flavors in this brew really set it apart. The distinct floral qualities add a certain complexity to the bitterness of -- I want to say Cascade hops? Yes, those are definitely Cascade hops."
The Regular Dude says: "Man, this beer was great. Now give me another beer."


The Foodie says:
"Typically this time of year I prefer a powerful and muscular Malbec, but I'm very intrigued by this mysterious and adulterous Sangiovese, thanks to its heavy concentration of fig notes, and this tannic finish that's giving off just a hint of plum and longing."
The Regular Dude says: "Guess who just ordered the second cheapest bottle of Italian red? THIS guy."

Fried chicken

The Foodie says: "I love comfort food, and you can tell that this was treated with the love of somebody who has spent time in the South. There's a tenderness to the meat that can only come from a buttermilk bath, but there's something missing. Maybe if it was glossed with honey butter and a chile-infused, organic maple syrup? And paired with a Mingus LP, naturally?"
The Regular Dude says: "I'm going to take SUCH an awesome nap after this."


The Foodie says:
"Arigato, Tony-san! You've made yet another masterpiece. Only a true itamae could take yellowtail and make it pop like bluefin… it's all the flavor with none of the guilt!"
The Regular Dude says: "TONY, this is some bomb soosh! Can I get A LOT more wasabi? And a fork?"


The Foodie says: "It's so fantastic that these street foods are being adopted by chefs with imaginations as large as their palates. My roommate at university spent the summer in Japan, and she said that this place is the closest thing to authentic street food you can get in the entire neighborhood."
The Regular Dude says: "This is super good, but I don't remember it being $23 when I ate it every single night in college."


Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich
The Foodie says: "This is the flavor of my childhood. Of course, it's taken up a tier by this artisan almond butter and my own preserves. And the bread is essential: it's made by refugee orphans at a local nonprofit bakery/mill, and 30% of the proceeds go to eradicating eczema in Botswana."
The Regular Dude says: "The best day of my life was when I started crushing up chips in these. Or maybe when my son was born. Hmmm..."


The Foodie says:
"I am eating this to be ironic, and SUCCEEDING."
The Regular dude says: "I am almost positive the dude next to me is wearing a women's sweater."


The Foodie says:
"It's a shame that we live in a society where the best parts of the animal are cast aside or disguised in other foods, but thank god we now have bold, innovative chefs who cast aside society's strictures and take something as underutilized as tripe and bone marrow and make them into the masterpiece you see right here."
The Normal Guy says: "Oh god... these aren't noodles at all."

Andy Kryza is Thrillist's national eat/drink senior editor, and has proudly lived vegetable-free since 2001. Follow his adventures/slow decline via Twitter at @apkryza.