10 tips for throwing the ultimate football party
Arranging a Thursday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday night (man, there sure is a lot of football) pigskin-viewing rager isn't as easy as it seems. In fact, it does't even seem that easy to begin with. Actually, it's pretty hard. That's why help is here! Follow these hints, tricks, and invitation guidelines and the next football fete you throw is sure to be one to remember.
Be careful who you inviteThose people who take it super, really, astonishingly personally when the college they dropped out of 12 years ago is down by a field goal after, like, the first two minutes? Yeah, don't invite them. Nothing kills that party spirit like those dudes who lash out at everyone around them like sullen jerks just because their fantasy RB1 fumbled. On the other hand, the guy in the cardigan who doesn't even own a TV and thinks sports are just a contrived public distraction engineered to keep the proletariat etherized? Yeah, he's not fun anywhere, let alone a football soiree.
A good mix of people -- casual football fans, hardcore enthusiasts with some self awareness, and people who don't really care about the game but won't spend three hours loudly proclaiming it -- is what will turn this party up. Or down. Are the kids turning things up or down these days? Damn you, Lil Jon!
Stock up on brewsProfessional party planners figure the average person will go through two beers an hour. The length of a typical football game is three hours give or take a few panic attack-inducing overtimes. Simple math means that a six-pack per person per game is a good rule to follow when hitting the beer aisle. And even though it's fall and you're inside and this may seems a little weird, break out the cooler. Multiple partygoers opening the fridge two times an hour means no beers are getting or staying frosty, which, appropriately, is really not cool.
Don't ignore the tunesCommercial breaks, half time, catastrophic lighting failures -- plan for the game to be interrupted and guests to not be great conversationalists. Set up some playlists and keep them rolling through the same sound system Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are droning sonorously through. When there's a break in the game, just switch inputs to the tunes already playing.
Get a disposable grillGrilled food is a necessity at any football party, but not everyone has a, you know, grill. Good thing you can get disposable charcoal-burners for use on the deck, patio, lawn, or similar outside amenity. Don't have a backyard or a grill? Grab an indoor job (they're real, think George Foreman.). Don't want to do that? Fine (gosh you're difficult.), the least you can do is get a grill pan for your stove. All those prepared meats will have the pretty lines everyone associated with "mouth watering delicious town".
Don't mount your own tvYou know what sucks? Mounting a TV for that football party. What doesn’t suck: letting Handy do it. Just enter this sweepstakes for the chance at a whole bunch of home makeover services like painting and said TV-mounting. And to sweeten the deal, even if you don't win the sweeps, they're offering $19, two-hour cleaning session for first-time bookers and 20% off that TV hanging. That way, things will be as clean as they were before you threw a whole burger at Phil for beating you in fantasy.
Focus on the BathroomGet lots of toilet paper. Make sure there's plenty of hand soap. Seriously, this is very important. Can't stress this enough. There's going to be a lot of foot traffic coming in and out of the commode for the next four to eight hours -- people should leave it as clean as when they came in (hopefully even cleaner in the case of Frank). A few cans of air freshener helpfully placed on the toilet tank is also a good idea.
Have plenty of seatingNobody wants to stand on a Sunday. It’s why churches have pews and you have a couch… but that couch can’t fit everyone. Stock up on cheap folding chairs and bean bags. Repurpose footrests. Do what you gotta do to make sure everyone can sit at the same time.
Do gambleThe people not into football at the party are super chill, but that doesn't mean it's not worth trying to get them into the game. The easiest way to do that? Wagering a few bucks. Don't bother trying to explain Vegas betting lines -- print out (or draw up yourself.) a box pool instead. It looks complex, but it's relatively easy:
- Draw a 10x10 grid
- Give one team the X-axis, the other team the Y-axis
- Write the numbers 0-9 along each axis
- People can initial as many boxes of their choosing for $5, or $10 or whatever the agreed amount per box