Pepper: Trinidad Scorpion (Dried)
Delirium set in. I was in full panic mode. When I said I’d transcended pain? I was wrong, and frankly, my body is a jerk for not going into shock. The tingling, then numbness, that had spread past my face and shoulders, had made its way to my feet, and I could feel my heartbeat in my legs. My ears rang. I just wanted it to end. But it would not.
Ten minutes after I’d swallowed the last bit of pepper, I was still 100% incapacitated, alternating between pacing around the room and keeling over, feeling like I was about to puke. I gasped for air, wondering if my throat would close up and end my suffering. My stomach was completely full of milk by this point, so I resorted to sipping it and then spitting it out into a bag, like a wine tasting, but from a nightmare I had. (Pro tip: It’s best to sort of inhale small sips of milk so it forms a spray/foam. Also cold milk is much, much better.) After 30 minutes I was able to talk normally again, and by an hour, my head had returned to its normal temperature. Even 24 hours later though, I was getting random stomach pains. I can’t recommend this to anyone for any reason. Medically and morally, I’d say that we as a species need to move on from recreationally pepper-spraying ourselves.