Here's the worst part: on paper, I effing LOVE -- L-O-V-E -- In-N-Out. American cheese is a burger's best friend. Thick burgers are overrated. By all accounts, the owners are wonderful people. The service is great. At no point has a Double-Double made an uninvited Animal Style advance on me late at night. If I drew a picture of the perfect burger for me, it'd look exactly like a Double-Double.
But yet, it's all amiss to me. Every single item. Let's take a closer look:
This is your basic, salty, flat-grilled burger that you can get absolutely anywhere. If somebody gave me a blind taste-test between this and most other fast-food burgers, I might be able to distinguish In-N-Out, but it's not guaranteed. It's highly generic, as if culled together from a series of stock photos: bun, burger, watery lettuce, and a slice of tomato. Sure, you can get it Animal Style, but be honest: Animal Style sauce tastes like Whole Foods' version of Big Mac sauce, except not as good.