Then why the hell don't Americans like ketchup chips?!
Once I conquered the formerly dry heave-inducing prospect of eating ketchup chips, this is the question that kept me up at night, while I clutched my empty tin of ketchup Pringles.
How could a ketchup obsessed nation so clearly deflect and reject this seemingly quintessentially American snack?
I asked Thrillist's Canadian-in-residence, Entertainment Staff Writer, and all-around OK guy (for a Canadian), Sean Fitz-Gerald. He told me he neither knew why Canadians love them so much, nor why they never caught on in America.
And over the course of questioning other Canadians, none of them could really explain either phenomenon. American have no problem guzzling down lattes flavored like pumpkin potpourri, sandwiches that use fried chicken as buns, Oreos that taste like Swedish Fish, or literally anything on this list. Yet when the concept of a "ketchup chip" is broached, groans rattle over the Western plains. We'll soak our fries, drown our burgers, and controversially bedeck our hot dogs with the stuff, yet we deny our potato chips a light dusting of the pseudo-tomato sauce. Hell, Chicken and Waffle-flavored Lay's are a thing people are apparently into, as is Sriracha-flavored everything. So it can't that Americans are too prude. Also, this is ketchup we're talking about. We're basically bonging the stuff straight after we finish breastfeeding.
And the vacuum of ketchup chips is not for a lack of trying, or dearth of exposure: ketchup chips were equally introduced to the States along with the Great North -- but they only stuck in one of those countries. As recently as last year, ketchup chips seemed primed for an American coup, and were met with resounding silence.
So really… I'm not sure why ketchup chips aren't a thing here. Frankly, it doesn't make sense. Maybe I give my fellow Americans more credit than they/we deserve, but I like to think we are smart enough to embrace a good thing when we taste it -- especially when ketchup is involved. Now, at the end of it all, I can only do one thing: humbly request that some Canadian out there deliver me the answer: why?
Why is this all so mixed up? Why do you embrace the ketchup chip, when America snubs it's red, white, and blue-tinted nose at it all? And also -- while you are at it -- why did Derek leave without saying goodbye?
Hopefully some brave Canadian will step forward, and explain things to me. Till then, all i have is half a bag of ketchup chips, and a lifetime of futile questioning.
Alex Trebek? Are you there? Seth Rogen, can you deliver me from ketchup purgatory? David Coulier, do you have anything better to do?
And the aforementioned Drake -- surely you, the modern day ambassador to Canada, can provide me with some answers from the 6?
If not, this mystery may never be solved, and Americans may never know the delicious, ironically un-ketchupy joy of the ketchup chip.
Oh, speaking of irony, maybe Alanis Morissette can weigh in?
We'll all be waiting -- without nary a whiff of ketchup chips on our collective breath.