The duties of a Lunchables Placer are exactly what they sound like: you'll be responsible for "the placement of Lunchables components into packaging." Nothing makes a meal sound tastier than referring to its ingredients as "components."
But wait, there's more! You'll be doing all this component placement on a high-speed assembly line located in a refrigerated environment, and even though you'd gladly do this joyous, teeth-chattering work for free (because Lunchables), they'll still pay you $9/hr for your trouble.
You'll also be required to join the union alongside your fellow Placers, with whom you'll no doubt banter gleefully in the break room over free Lunchables, enjoying the fruits (or meats?) of your placement labor as you collectively assemble your piteous feasts.
Sure, your childhood dream job turned out to be just another job in the manufacturing industry, but who cares? You can apply for the position here, provided you're planning on relocating to Avon, NY for the privilege -- which, of course you are.
Gianni Jaccoma is a staff writer for Thrillist, and he never got Lunchables as a kid. Follow his sodium-deprived tweets @gjaccoma, and send your news tips to email@example.com