Everyone eats McDonald's. Some people say they don’t, or they go for long periods of time without it, but they always come back around out of necessity or nostalgia or the need to dip things in Sweet & Sour sauce. The issue for most people who are not McDonald's connoisseurs is that they don’t try new things. I’m certainly guilty of that -- I don’t go enough to feel like I want to try a new sandwich when I’m there. I just want one of the three orders I’ve been getting since I was 4, plus a Christmas Muppet Happy Meal toy.
So, in an effort to allow other casual McDonald’s users a cheat sheet to the myriad sandwiches McDonald’s offers that they’re potentially missing out on, I decided to try every single McDonald’s sandwich available (McWraps didn’t count), and rank them according to taste. Because there are 22, I did not eat them all at once. I am not a masochist. I tried to get four or five sandwiches at a time and enact the three-bite rule, or, in the case of seasonal offerings like the McRib, tried to remember what they taste like. But anyway, enough about my weight gain, here they are, from 22 to 1.
What they say: Dive right in and enjoy our wild-caught fish from our sustainable fishery, topped with melty American cheese, creamy tartar sauce and served on a soft, steamed bun.
What I say: The worst, most guilt-stricken part about this? I am a confirmed Catholic, and I still don’t have any place for this fried fish sandwich, even on Fridays. Sorry Lord, it’s not you.
21. BBQ Ranch Burger
What they say: A 100% beef patty seasoned with a pinch of salt and pepper, then topped with melted white cheddar, zesty barbecue ranch sauce and crispy tortilla strips, all on a classic bun.
What I say: I’m not sure what to make of this. One part of it reminds me of when you put chips on your sandwich, which is delicious. But the other part just seems like the burger version of a BBQ chicken salad at CPK, but without the crucial cold crunch of that jicama. WHERE IS THE JICAMA?
20. Bacon Cheddar McChicken
What they say: A seasoned McChicken patty topped with thick cut Applewood smoked bacon, melted white cheddar, crisp shredded lettuce and mayo, served on a classic bun.
What I say: You’re going to sense a theme here, so I might as well get it out of the way. I love bacon. I love it just as much as the next person who eats a moderately alarming amount of bacon. But I don’t love the bacon at McDonald’s. I think it distracts rather than adds value. Also, while I’m just revealing everything, if you saw my chicken sandwich taste-test, you’ll know I don’t like cheese on fried chicken. It doesn’t need it. So really, this McChicken had no chance.