We Ate (and Ranked) Everything on McDonald's Secret Menu
Recently, a Redditor claiming to be a McDonald's shift manager in Scotland confirmed that the long-rumored McDonald's secret menu is, in fact, real. And it's simpler than we thought -- though the Internet has popularized countless "secret menu" names (like the unfortunate "McGangBang"), the manager said names aren't necessary, and it's as easy as swapping ingredients in and out to customize your "secret" order.
Still, when I set out to order everything on the McDonald's secret menu (with items collected from Twitter, Instagram, and #Hackthemenu), I started with the names to see if the employees recognized them. If they didn't, I went ahead and described the item to them. It's worth noting that out of the 10 items ordered, six had to be assembled by me. Basically, any order that's too off-menu will have to be DIY. But make no mistake, they will make you that Big Mac with eight patties.
Here is every item on the McDonald's secret menu, ranked from worst to best:
10. Grilled Cheese
How to get it: Just ask for a grilled cheese. You may also have to say "Yes, all I want is cheese and bread."
9. Land, Sea, and Air Burger
How to get it: This was one of the aforementioned DIY items that couldn’t be put together for me. Ask for a Big Mac, a Filet-O-Fish, and a McChicken. Then put the McChicken and Filet-O-Fish patties inside of the Big Mac.
Verdict: This was the secret item I was most excited about, and it was the biggest letdown. It would maybe be fine without the bread. There is just SO much bread in this -- it's hard to taste anything else. I may never eat bread again (this is a gross exaggeration, but I just want to emphasize again that bread is ABUNDANT). Moreover, if you ever thought a soggy fish patty would not pair well with beef and chicken, you, sir, would be correct.
How to get it: I said the name and no one was happy about it, including me. Order a McDouble and a McChicken, then place the McChicken inside of the McDouble (buns and all).
Verdict: Again, WAY too much bread. There's even more on this one! But it gets a higher ranking because it doesn't have fish. I would also like to propose an official name change. Here are some options: McRihanna, McBeyonce, McDrake. That last one sounds the best. Seriously, this entire thing just tastes like musky bread.
7. Monster Mac
How to get it: I asked for a Monster Mac, but was met with blank stares, so I asked for eight patties inside of a Big Mac. Four separate employees came by to check whether or not I was of sound mind and body, but still, it was put together for me!
Verdict: Not enough cheese or sauce. It's like stuffing your mouth with a mass of dry, unseasoned ground beef.
6. Apple Pie McFlurry
How to get it: Ask for an Apple Pie mixed into a McFlurry
Verdict: The pie was just placed into the McFlurry (which is so thick, the pie could barely even get in there). I tried and failed to blend it all, 1. because the spoon is not a spoon and 2. because the McFlurry itself is SO insanely thick. This was messy and there was no pie-flavor (just weird, mushy texture), so I just avoided the pie and ate a McFlurry. That was good, though!
How to get it: Yet another DIY item -- get an order of pancakes and a yogurt parfait, then put the parfait into the pancakes and fold them over. Be really fancy about this, please.
Verdict: This does not look or taste anything like a crepe. The pancake just serves as a vessel for the cold, extremely sweet yogurt, and the mix between hot and cold makes you feel like you're eating something that didn't get microwaved through. But that’s not to say it isn’t… kind of good? Pro tip: add granola for something that slightly resembles a crunch.
How to get it: This name is a lie. I was duped. I had to wait to order this at 10:55 (that’s the actual sweet spot when breakfast is ending and lunch is beginning). It’s also another DIY item -- order a McMuffin and a McDouble, then take the patties out and place them in the McMuffin.
Verdict: This is just a burger with a dry and flavorless bun, but the ham and egg are nice additions (even if they are overpowered by the burger and cheese flavors). Also, McDonald’s ham isn’t bad! The English muffins are.
3. Fries with Big Mac Sauce
How to get it: Ask for fries with a side of Big Mac sauce
Verdict: Exactly what you would expect.
2. Chicken McGriddle
How to get it: Like the Mc10:35 (or rather, the Mc10:55), this needed to be ordered in that 5min ~brunch~ window, and I had to order the items separately and assemble them myself. Get a Bacon, Egg & Cheese McGriddle and a McChicken and place in the chicken patty inside the McGriddle.
Verdict: Full disclosure: I've never had a McGriddle before. The maple syrup baked into the griddle cakes and the bacon are just great. Job well done, McDonald's. The chicken was definitely the hardest thing to taste (its peppery seasoning was the most noticeable feature), but even so, all of the components came together in salty, peppery, and sweet harmony. I almost wish this had been bigger so I could have eaten more of it (it's one of the smaller items). Make no mistake, though, this is not chicken & waffles.
1. Big McChicken
How to get it: No one is going to make this for you, even if you ask nicely -- I promise. Get a Big Mac and three McChickens, and then get rid of all of the buns and never look back.
Verdict: The chicken is the best part of this. Which is great because there’s a shit-ton of it. It tastes like a bunless chicken burger with a hint of cheese and an even smaller hint of beef. In eating everything on the secret menu, I found that McDonald's buns often take away from the meal, so the chicken was a great alternative. New idea: try everything on the McDonald's menu with chicken patties instead of buns.
There's a reason McDonald's hasn't put any of these items on its menu (and it's probably not because a "secret menu" is a great marketing ploy… I think...). Most of these items are pretty hard to eat (due to size and general taste). Plus, the components of a regular Big Mac blend together and taste better than a burger with fish, chicken, and beef because someone put consideration into what tastes good together. Still, the Chicken McGriddle and Big McChicken are very solid and should probably be permanent menu items.
Finally, a PSA: when you mash several sandwiches together, you end up with enough bread to turn even the biggest bread fan off bread. This is truly sad, because bread is great.