Right now, in Germany, Mickey D's is inexplicably celebrating Mexican food. Why, you ask? DON'T ASK THAT! DON'T EVER ASK THAT! But seriously, we have no idea. But we do know that they have a "Los Wochos" menu that they're promoting on the front page of the German McDonald's website, and it includes five gloriously tasty "Mexican" treats. And by "Mexican", we mean, "what a German told by an American on a cruise ship thinks Mexican food might taste like, if both of them had only ever lived in Holland."
Using our trusty Google Translate technology, we discovered that the copy on their site reads "If for ketchup salsa is spicy, from your best buddy Muchacho and a Burger Chili con Carne like you've never eaten it - then again in Germany, Los Wochos. Olé ... cker! But only for a short Tiempo." So... yeah, that didn't help, but who cares, just bring over your best buddy Muchacho and let's all take a look at each of these sexy totally, totally, TOTALLY Mexican treats:
El Chili con Carne: The signature burger is described, via Google translate, as "juicy beef with beans and corn in a pan". And as you can see, it looks like this wasn't just a weird translation: they literally just stuck beans and corn in the patty. Because, you know, that's exactly how they make 'em in Mexico.
1955 Burger: Clearly described as being for "the Herzhafticos among you", this is a spiced beef burger with tomato, lettuce, grilled onions and bacon, just like you might get in 1955 in Germany, when everything was totally chill and normal and there was definitely no sustained state of political and military tension between powers in the Western and Eastern Blocs. Also -- are "Herzhafticos" people who just want normal McDonalds food, and don't want to eat weird burgers with beans and corn stuck in the patty? Because if so, we kind of want to be "Herzhafticos".
Chicken Fiesta: Compared to the others, this "spicy fiesta [that] awaits your palate" is basically a Mexican native. We're talking "tender breaded chicken meat with crunchy corn and one with cheddar cheese preparation, Mexico hot sauce and sour cream sauce". Suck on that, gringo "Herzhafticos" posers!
Los Beefos: Seriously, German McDonalds? "Los Beefos"? Did your marketing team pick this name by watching that episode of Full House where Joey does his bit about Americans speaking Spanish by adding "o's" on the end of English words? Do people in Mexico really enjoy "juicy beef meatballs surrounded by a spicy breading"? Wait a sec… so...are these just beef McNuggets? Because that's actually kind of fantastic.
Salsa Tomaten Sauce: We're pretty sure this is just salsa and tomato sauce.