Taco Bell: Doritos Locos Taco
You might think a Taco Bell burrito would be messier, but those fillings are essentially wrapped in a flour napkin. The real shirt-destroyer is the hard taco, which shatters into a mess of Fire sauce crumbles. And no chip-based taco shell leaves behind more evidence of mid-commute Fourthmeal quite like the orange fingerprints of a DLT.
Burger King: Extra Long BBQ Cheeseburger
Eating a burger behind the wheel isn't on a driver's ed test, but one's mastery of the automobile is not complete until you can successfully crush a cheeseburger while switching lanes. But BK has basically made everything harder by lengthening its burger, thus the perfect handheld shape becomes more of a floppy submarine whose torpedo is barbecue sauce, and it's firing without a periscope. At your pants. Which it will hit. Even without the aid of a periscope.