"Thirty minutes later, the pizza gets there. The delivery guy (who is there often because their pizza is fucking amazing) comes down with a big smile on his face, shaking his head. I'm on the phone and can't ask him what was so funny, but I figure shenanigans.
"An hour later, at around 3:15am, I hear this weird heavy breathing coming from above me. I ignore it for a bit, but after a few minutes I step out from behind the desk and look up. The guy is standing over the railing, stark-ass naked, holding half a 20in pizza taco-style, with all the cheese and sauce removed and covering his whole body. I'm completely flabbergasted, and I've seen some really strange shit: bitten-off ears, girls peeing in our fountain, a bat loose in the hotel. But this is the most batshit insane thing I've ever witnessed. Bear in mind, it's deathly quiet, and I'm staring up at a naked man covered in pizza sauce and pepperonis. The only sound is his heavy, labored breathing.
"Still keeping an eye on him (and him on me), I inch over to the front desk and grab my radio to call the security guard to watch him while I call the police and an ambulance to get him off-property. That split second I have between finding the security contact in the radio and taking my eye off the guy is just enough for him to ghost. I can't hear him, can't see him, nothing; when the guard does his sweep, he can't find him either, not even in his room. He does, however, find the half pizza laying on the floor where the guy was standing. The police can't even find the bastard, and his room doesn't have anything in it besides a pizza box and his clothes. The bed isn't even rumpled.