"'Oh, that looks good! Have you eaten here before? Is that duck? I've never had duck before. Where do you go to college? Oh, my daughter goes there, maybe you know her!' You get the idea.
"We politely answered her questions, hoping she would get the idea that perhaps she should allow us to BEGIN OUR MEAL. No such luck, as she proceeded to spew information about her family, job, and other mind-numbing stuff. Just as I was considering using the knife poised in my hand to stab myself in the eyeball, she said, 'Well, my husband is probably looking for me. Ooooh, those look good!'
"She then reached into the bread basket on our table, grabbed a croissant, turned, and walked away. My girl and I looked at each other, stunned, and broke into hysterical laughter. The duck, now cold, was forgettable, but the ballsiest woman ever gave me a lifelong memory." -- Craig Bartlett