Between the Pasta Pass stampede, and subsequent Pasta Pass black market, it's been a big week for Olive Garden. They'd probably be celebrating with some house wine right this second if it weren't for a third development, which is more than a little terrifying: their investor Starboard Value is going after the breadstick bowl.
In an enormous report released by the hedge fund, Starboard Value picks apart everything they see wrong with Olive Garden. And while they might have a point about boiling the pasta in salt, their ideas about the breadsticks are downright dangerous. After talking at length about how the breadsticks are essential to Olive Garden, and need to be the very best, Starboard Value drops this bomb:
Stop for the Gas, Stay for the Grub
[Servers should] strictly follow the one breadstick per guest plus one for the table guidelines.
Alright, we get that they must not be talking about the unlimited breadsticks deal, but one per guest? If we knew we were living in Soviet Russia, we would've ordered borscht instead. Hopefully Olive Garden's parent company Darden ignores that horrible advice, but just to be safe, we've commissioned Danny Ocean to steal the official breadstick recipe.
Kristin Hunt is a food/drink staff writer for Thrillist, and thinks that firm has no business calling itself Starboard Value, because stars are awesome. Follow her at @kristin_hunt.