“One time I heard a customer argue with a server about how that server’s name was pronounced.”
I… I mean, I feel like maybe the server would know? Maybe you think my name should be pronounced “colon” because there’s only one “L” in it and Colin Powell ruined it for the rest of us (he’s the only person who has EVER pronounced it that way, don’t @ me), but I think I’d know better than you, as would this server -- and anyone over the age of two.
“I was at a sushi restaurant where I heard some derpy Martin Starr-looking goobus call over his server to say, ‘Excuse me miss, but I believe this sushi is ahhh ahhhhmmmm... cooolllddd.’”
Let’s now take time to reflect on the existence of someone who not only doesn’t understand what sushi is or how it works, but has the rock solid pillar-of-the-very-earth-itself confidence necessary to vocalize their belief that their sushi isn’t being served warm enough. Just absolutely astounding. There’s a 75% chance this guy then asked them to microwave it, and was incredulous when told that the restaurant had no microwave. (Fun fact: Only garbage restaurants have microwaves.)
“Customer, to a server with red hair: ‘You must be Irish. All Irish have red hair.’
Server: ‘No, I’m Norwegian. No Irish whatsoever.’
Customer: ‘No. Check your heritage. I know you are Irish. I know all Irish have red hair.’”
Similar to the name thing, but honestly, this might be even more unbelievable. I mean, this guy was definitely just being surly and stupid, but what if he asked this while sober? What if he honestly thought the only place red hair could possibly come from was an Irish background? There are no redheaded people of Swedish, or French, or German descent -- only the Irish. This man’s personal universe is deterministic to a degree I didn’t even know was possible and simultaneously based on pure fantasy -- if a person isn’t one-eighth Leprechaun, they can’t possibly have red hair. I’m Jewish and my younger brother is so redheaded he basically bursts into flames on contact with sunlight, and this guy would firmly believe we were lying about our background and that my brother’s real name was actually Paddy O'Shaughnessy or something.
“I watched a fellow customer march up to a fast food counter and complain that his French fries were ‘ice cold.’ The person behind the counter pointed out to him that he was holding a carrot stick.”
Of everything on here, this one leaves me with the most questions. Part of me thinks this must have been some sort of scam, but if so, it was the most ineptly conducted one I’ve ever heard of. But I prefer to believe it wasn’t a scam, because in that case, I’m deliriously curious as to what could possibly cause this to happen? Did a supernatural entity transmogrify his ice cold French fry into a carrot stick on his way up to the counter? Is he the legendary third Darren from Bewitched and his mother-in-law is just screwing with him? Or did he actually take a bite of a carrot stick and not even have the connection to reality necessary to go, “Man, this French fry tastes weird,” but instead simply process the unfolding events as, “This French fry is unusually cold!” I just… I have so many questions here.