The Pity Invite
There he was, that weird neighbor from down the street... alone at the store, buying a pot pie and looking sad. So some kind soul took pity on him and invited him to join up. He spends most of the time quietly sitting among the revelers, saying very little. Until he's suddenly engaged with the Eggnog Pundit in an argument about Bigfoot and the Illuminati. That's when you realize there’s a reason his traditional holiday companions are Jack, Jim, and Betty Crocker. And maybe Bigfoot. BECAUSE HE EXISTS, DAMMIT!
The Angel They are the embodiment of holiday spirit. They make sure that everybody at the party feels at ease, is well-fed and hydrated, and is happy. All stress slides off their shoulders. They gladly dole out mistletoe kisses, play with the kids, and help with the dishes. They acknowledge that Bigfoot exists, and will write a thank-you note for that last-minute gift of a Yankee Candle and a packet of Rolos. Because, dammit, it's the holidays, and everybody needs love. The Angel is made of it.
Andy Kryza is a senior editor on Thrillist's Food & Drink team, and firmly believes that even the most cynical holiday story should end with a little bit of heavy-handed sentimentality. He also loves his Mom very much, because she's an Angel. Follow him to discomfort underneath the mistletoe via @apkryza.