18. Nutter Butters
They're peanut-shaped sandwich cookies filled with peanut butter. They make you so effin' thirsty. The cookies kind of look like they have tire tread on them. The peanut butter filling is weird and tends to clump together in an unreasonable manner. They throw me off my game. They're only ranked higher than Oreos for the aforementioned teeth-embarrassment issue.
You know what's kind of gross? A sponge cake filled with cream that lasts longer than most Egyptian pharaoh's tombs. You know what's kind of delicious? A sponge cake filled with cream that lasts longer than most Egy-- you get the point. Twinkies cause a confluence of conflicting emotions.
No, this is before they had those Flavor Blasted sh*ts and started making them into cookies and adding actual eyes and other terrifying details. We're talking back in the day of Plain, Cheddar, and Parmesan. Plain meant your mom didn't love you; Cheddar meant you were normal; Parmesan meant your grandparents were kind of Italian.
15. String Cheese
Before incidents involving them created jam bands moderately less popular than Widespread Panic, string cheese was just that thing mostly girls ate at lunch. It's delicious, sure, but I always sort of got skeeved out by the top, which would get a little bit smushed and greasy from the oils in your fingertips as you tried to peel it off, and then it was all I could really think about. Middle school was hard for me, okay?!?!
14. Animal Crackers
They've got to be the ones in the box that looks like a train car transporting all sorts of dangerous animals in a not very safe manner. Those kind were delicious. All the rest of them were too damn dry and flaky, plus you'd lose the respect of the rich kids with those train boxes. Lose-lose.
Speaking of rich versus poor: God bless the kid whose mom packed him Cheese Nips. Bringing Cheese Nips to a Cheez-It party is like wearing a Polaroid of a tuxedo taped to your chest to a black tie event; it's just not going to go well. Cheez-Its, meanwhile, were salty, cheesy, and delicious, and only occasionally gave you orange stuff all up in your toofs.