Why We’re so Fascinated with Private Chefs on TikTok
These chefs invite us into the kitchens of the Kardashians and the Hamptons elite.
Published on 9/14/2022 at 10:20 AM
Design by Maggie Rossetti for Thrillist
Everyone’s talking about “that private Hamptons chef on TikTok.” Her name is Meredith Hayden, otherwise known as @wishbonekitchen, and if the algorithm senses that you’re into cooking, or, at the very least, a little nosy, she’ll let you in on a day in her life.
It starts with a 6:45 am skincare routine and a chug of diet Dr. Pepper, followed by grocery shopping at Citarella and a poke into the garden for squash blossoms. From her client’s all-white, sunlit kitchen, she’ll put on an apron and assemble four summer-fresh, rainbow-colored meals—blue chia pudding for breakfast, lobster rolls for lunch, rosemary lamb chops for dinner, and broiled apricots for dessert—before cleaning the dishes around 10 pm.
Meredith Hayden | Photo by Cole Saladino for Thrillist
“There’s a lot of curiosity about seeing a non-traditional career,” Hayden says. “Then also peeling back the curtain on a family in the Hamptons and the aspirational aspect of it all.” The fascination with Hayden’s life is complex. You fantasize about what it would be like to have a private chef. You watch with disbelief that a 26-year-old could commit herself so passionately to a 15-hour workday. You wish you could be her.
Because from the looks of it, the dishes appear scene by scene like magic, prompting many food-obsessed viewers to comment “OMG I want to do this.” But, as is the case with most content creators, Hayden does the majority of the work off-camera. When it comes to catering events, for example, she says, “I’m spending four or five days designing the menu, planning the grocery shopping, prepping all of the ingredients.”
After completing her bachelor’s degree in marketing, Hayden worked at Conde Nast by day and attended culinary school by night. Following an externship at a restaurant, Hayden was connected to her first clients, fashion designer Joseph Altazurra and his husband, Seth Weissman, through her school.
“I started working for them in January 2020 while also still working at Conde,” Hayden explains. “And then when the pandemic hit, I was furloughed, later laid off from that job, and kind of forced to turn this private chef thing into a full career.” So she moved back home with her parents, started an Instagram page, and began posting recipes online, amassing more and more clients through friends and family.
“There’s a lot of curiosity about seeing a non-traditional career,” Hayden says. “Then also peeling back the curtain on a family in the Hamptons and the aspirational aspect of it all.” The fascination with Hayden’s life is complex. You fantasize about what it would be like to have a private chef. You watch with disbelief that a 26-year-old could commit herself so passionately to a 15-hour workday. You wish you could be her.
Because from the looks of it, the dishes appear scene by scene like magic, prompting many food-obsessed viewers to comment “OMG I want to do this.” But, as is the case with most content creators, Hayden does the majority of the work off-camera. When it comes to catering events, for example, she says, “I’m spending four or five days designing the menu, planning the grocery shopping, prepping all of the ingredients.”
After completing her bachelor’s degree in marketing, Hayden worked at Conde Nast by day and attended culinary school by night. Following an externship at a restaurant, she was connected to her first clients, fashion designer Joseph Altazurra and his husband, Seth Weissman, through her school.
“I started working for them in January 2020 while also still working at Conde,” Hayden explains. “And then when the pandemic hit, I was furloughed, later laid off from that job, and kind of forced to turn this private chef thing into a full career.” So she moved back home with her parents, started an Instagram page, and began posting recipes online, amassing more and more clients through friends and family.
“In a lot of cases people just see the glitz, the glamour, and the travel without really looking into the sacrifice—the no holidays, the no weekends, the 20 hours on your feet, ‘How’s that hip feeling?,’ you know?”
Private chef Khristianne Uy, who goes by Chef K, uses TikTok to showcase the meals she cooks for the Kardashian family. She shares a similar sentiment about the misconceptions associated with being a celebrity chef and hopes her new online presence can offer some more back-of-house grit. “In a lot of cases people just see the glitz, the glamour, and the travel without really looking into the sacrifice—the no holidays, the no weekends, the 20 hours on your feet, ‘How’s that hip feeling?,’ you know?”
Originally from the Philippines, an archipelago that introduced her to fresh ingredients and the television show Yan Can Cook, Chef K began her career at a culinary school in the U.S., eventually making her way to restaurants and hotels. But when a friend introduced her to her first private client, a whole world opened up. “I just loved the essence of bringing the whole family together,” she says. Her roster of clients has since included everyone from P. Diddy and Charlie Sheen to Charlize Theron and the Biebers.
The transition from restaurant world to family home is not as easy as it might seem. Another private chef on TikTok, Kelly Ruben, first made her way through Michelin-starred restaurants in Chicago. But finding the experience too physically and emotionally exhausting, she transitioned to cooking for families, first in Chicago, then in New York City—where the demand for private chefs was higher than anywhere else Ruben had experienced.
For commercial chefs and food workers alike, the life of a private chef can seem like a coddled one. But while the hours might be more flexible, there’s a considerable amount of pressure in running a one-woman show. “When you’re working in a restaurant, you have a full team there to support you—even if there are chefs yelling at you and you have a huge load of work to get through,” Ruben explains. “But once you’re a private chef, you’re on your own.
Chef K’s number one rule is patience. “It’s always, ‘Yes ma’am, of course,’ and then I just figure everything out from there,” she says. The chef recalls a moment when 80 guests showed up to her client’s Easter brunch, even though she was told to expect 20. As soon as she saw the guests arrive in droves, she started opening all the pantries, pulling from the freezer, and making brunch dishes from just about anything she could find. “I remember not being able to use the bathroom until about 5 pm that day,” Chef K says.
The transition from restaurant world to family home is not as easy as it might seem. Another private chef on TikTok, Kelly Ruben, first made her way through Michelin-starred restaurants in Chicago. But finding the experience too physically and emotionally exhausting, she transitioned to cooking for families, first in Chicago, then in New York City—where the demand for private chefs was higher than anywhere else Ruben had experienced.
For commercial chefs and food workers alike, the life of a private chef can seem like a coddled one. But while the hours might be more flexible, there’s a considerable amount of pressure in running a one-woman show. “When you’re working in a restaurant, you have a full team there to support you—even if there are chefs yelling at you and you have a huge load of work to get through,” Ruben explains. “But once you’re a private chef, you’re on your own.
Chef K’s number one rule is patience. “It’s always, ‘Yes ma’am, of course,’ and then I just figure everything out from there,” she says. The chef recalls a moment when 80 guests showed up to her client’s Easter brunch, even though she was told to expect 20. As soon as she saw the guests arrive in droves, she started opening all the pantries, pulling from the freezer, and making brunch dishes from just about anything she could find. “I remember not being able to use the bathroom until about 5 pm that day,” Chef K says.
While Hayden admits she is living a longtime dream, she sometimes finds it easy to lose the joy that brought her there in the first place. “Everyone always says in my comments, ‘It’s okay, though, because she loves what she does. And that's true. I don’t think I would be able to do this if I didn't love it,” Hayden explains. “But in the moment, I’m not so happy to be there, kind of like, can't wait for tomorrow, can’t wait to sit down.”
For most prospective private chefs, the journey begins with a bit of an audition process, usually set up by an agency. First, the chef speaks directly with the family, or through an assistant. If she seems like a good fit, they’ll ask for a portfolio or collection of menus that showcase a variety of cuisines. At the next round, she might be asked to run a dinner party, and if that goes well, perhaps a private meal for the family as a final test.
One of the first skills a private chef needs to master is getting acquainted with the family’s tastes—so much so that it becomes second nature. “I ask for everything from spices and herbs they dislike, to cuisines they love to eat, to their favorite restaurants in the city,” Ruben explains. “I’ll go off of that at first, and then once you start to cook for a family for a while, you can be like, ‘Can I make this for you? I think you would like it.’”
Kelly Ruben | The Studio by Micole
Chef K likes to study her client’s pantry: “It says a lot about how the home is run,” i.e. whether a family prefers gluten-free over all-purpose flour, or is more into pasta than rice. Then, it’s all about being perceptive of body language and speech, anticipating what a client will want before they say they want it. “Say they’re not feeling too well or they’re just getting back from travels, I’ll do more of a comfort food,” she says. “Or, if they’re gearing up to film or do a photoshoot, I’ll make sure everything's on the healthier side.”
Before winning their client’s trust, chefs might start out designing weekly menus, which the client then sends back with any feedback or edits. Both Hayden and Ruben cite TikTok as a major source of meal inspiration. “I like to see what other people are doing out there,” Ruben says. “We [chefs] like to bounce ideas off of one another.” For the most part, clients don’t specify a grocery shopping budget—all they ask is that the ingredients be the best quality possible.
Chef K often cooks for the Kardashian kids, which challenges her to get creative. Penelope Disick designed her own menu for her last birthday, which included a pink pasta sauce. “I try to put myself in a seven year old’s shoes and ask ‘How would I want that?’” she explains. “Of course, I’d want to play with my food. So I created these little roll-up sandwiches and presented them in bento boxes. Kids don't like their food touching, so I make sure everything is separate.”
“I know we all like to demonize people who can hire private chefs, but you get to see families being able to spend time together instead of spending time cooking or at the grocery store.”
And the more options, the better. If she’s serving the kids chicken, for example, she might put out three different sauces to get them to try something different. “They may end up liking all sauces or none, but this gives me a way of creating my forever list,” she says. “Another trick of mine is creating a never and forever list for my clients to know which dishes they really cling onto and which ones they would absolutely not like me to serve again.”
The chef-client relationship can be a tricky one to navigate. Hayden’s clients invite her to sit and have dinner, and she considers them her friends. “They’re super excited for me with all this TikTok success, and I’ve actually been able to convince Joseph to get on TikTok,” she says, acknowledging that such a setup is rare.
Chef K recalls the time when her father passed away, and she was working for Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra in Mammoth Lakes, California. “After cooking dinner for them, I turned around, and Nick said, ‘Chef K, why don’t you join us for dinner? I know that this has been a very difficult time for you,’” she says. “It was a moment that I needed, and without expectation, was there from my client.”
The reputation of people who can afford private chefs certainly precede them, but Hayden is often seen repurposing leftovers in her TikToks, turning surplus zucchini into zucchini bread, or using leftover caesar dressing as an egg wash for chicken cutlets. “They hate to see food go to waste as much as anybody,” she says.
And the more options, the better. If she’s serving the kids chicken, for example, she might put out three different sauces to get them to try something different. “They may end up liking all sauces or none, but this gives me a way of creating my forever list,” she says. “Another trick of mine is creating a never and forever list for my clients to know which dishes they really cling onto and which ones they would absolutely not like me to serve again.”
The chef-client relationship can be a tricky one to navigate. Hayden’s clients invite her to sit and have dinner, and she considers them her friends. “They’re super excited for me with all this TikTok success, and I’ve actually been able to convince Joseph to get on TikTok,” she says, acknowledging that such a setup is rare.
Chef K recalls the time when her father passed away, and she was working for Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra in Mammoth Lakes, California. “After cooking dinner for them, I turned around, and Nick said, ‘Chef K, why don’t you join us for dinner? I know that this has been a very difficult time for you,’” she says. “It was a moment that I needed, and without expectation, was there from my client.”
The reputation of people who can afford private chefs certainly precede them, but Hayden is often seen repurposing leftovers in her TikToks, turning surplus zucchini into zucchini bread, or using leftover caesar dressing as an egg wash for chicken cutlets. “They hate to see food go to waste as much as anybody,” she says.
She says the most rewarding part of the job is seeing the family make memories over the food she creates. “I know we all like to demonize people who can hire private chefs, but you get to see families being able to spend time together instead of spending time cooking or at the grocery store,” she explains. And when it comes to the social media aspect, there’s nothing she loves more than a comment that says she inspired someone to cook.
Chef K has particularly enjoyed learning about the cultures of the different families she’s worked for. Kris Jenner, for example, (who Chef K says is an excellent cook) has shared with the chef handwritten recipes passed down from her great-grandmother.
For Ruben, it’s the satisfaction you get when a family member gets excited about a new meal you introduced to them. One of her previous clients loved her banana bread, claiming it was the best version they’ve ever tried. And it’s recipes like these that appear on Ruben’s TikTok, where viewers tune in to discover chef-worthy meal ideas.
Chef K | Photo Courtesy of Khristianne Uy
Chef K | Photo Courtesy of Chef K
“What TikTok has done is basically said, ‘If you've got the talent, and you’ve got a passion for something, then we will give you a platform.”
Chef K, who has always been a bit shy around the cameras in The Kardashians, was introduced to the app while traveling with one of her clients, James Charles. “He said ‘Chef K, let’s do a TikTok,’ and I was like ‘What’s TikTok?,’” she jokes. In addition to posting Kourtney’s favorite matcha-forward snack recipes, she also incorporates behind-the-scenes clips from the show, including one in which she drops Khloe’s birthday cake.
The app allows chefs to amplify their culinary voice, which, at a certain point, you could only find at legacy media brands. “I spent years applying to jobs at different food media publications, and nothing materialized,” Hayden explains. “And what TikTok has done is basically said, ‘If you've got the talent, and you’ve got a passion for something, then we will give you a platform. If you stick to it, people will start to notice you.’”
Jessica Sulima is a staff writer on the Food & Drink team at Thrillist.
