"Now, don't get upset about this. This was the best camping situation I've ever had. They weren't monopolizing a table during a busy service, they were extremely sweet and courteous, and they tipped 80%. I was a happy camper when I left that day.
"Until I rounded a corner in the hotel lobby on my way out and nearly walked face-first into Dwyane Wade's crotch." -- Emma Reasoner
Fuck the Turtle Man
"Ages ago, I was working at Olive Garden in Kentucky. It was a pretty busy weekday lunch. Nobody was covering the party table, because that was usually not a thing that got used on a Wednesday during lunch. A group of seven men in suits got sat there. Suits were an odd thing to see, because this town was pretty blue collar and casual.
"My manager assigned the table to me because I was the closest. Before I could make it over to greet them, all of the FOH staff was buzzing around, saying things like, 'Oh my God, that's Mitch McConnell!'
"Being young, from another state, without a TV, and not really into politics yet, I asked one of the other servers, 'Who the fuck is Mitch McConnell?' This is a town that got excited when they saw Johnny Depp's grandpa (seriously), so I was ready to be underwhelmed. Apparently, he was in town to support some other Republicans in the area who were running for various offices.