Servers are pushing a seafood special a little too aggressively
It's not your job to eat the stuff management can't convince people to order. Especially something perishable like seafood. Speaking of which, if you regularly eat in a half-price sushi joint, you deserve whatever's coming to you.
The dishes are all labeled with another restaurant's logo
Hats off to them if they're trolling, but you probably should've just gone to the other restaurant.
The food in the cold case looks like it's mummified
Perhaps you'd be better off going home and eating a bowl of Fruity Yummy Mummy cereal from 1983.
The menu's the size of a book
This is not a subliminal slam on Cheesecake Factory, which has a legendarily large menu. The potstickers and flautas go surprisingly well with the fettuccine, we hear. But the majority of restaurants offering up a million dishes on one menu are probably not experts in every cuisine under the sun.
There's a velvet rope outside, but no line
The bouncer doesn't even look like he's interested in taking his lunch break there. And what is he bouncing exactly?
You're waited on by a single server in an otherwise empty restaurant
Unlike sitting in an empty movie theater, which can make you feel like a king (a king seeing this Matthew McConaughey movie, probably) -- sitting in an empty restaurant is super uncomfortable. Especially if the owner knows that no one's showing up, so they only staff the place with one server. And usually that server is either super incompetent and doesn't bother waiting on you, or way too attentive and you have to keep brushing them off. Also, what does it say about a restaurant if the place is always empty? Usually it says: this place will close for good soon.