Your birthday is irrelevant
"No, we do not sing for birthdays. If you ask us to, we hate you. There is Rainforest Cafe for that, and we don't work there."
Your fancy tea is Earl Grey
"Ordering hot tea will piss off every server in the world, especially when they're busy. Nobody remembers all the stupid teas that are stocked. When your server asks what you prefer, it translates as 'fu*k you, Govnuh'. You're getting Earl Grey or English Breakfast or whatever we grab first."
Hookers hate ice
"Ladies of the night will never order a drink that has ice in it. Melted ice reveals a time frame for which they've been in waiting."