You are feeding the staff
"There's a reason we keep asking if you're done after each bite. We're starving. For your leftovers."
Asking what the server likes, or for the bartender to go wild is an invitation for sarcasm
"Hope you enjoy bread and butter. Or a glass full of bar swill."
Looking shady might get you special treatment
"People who look like drug dealers tend to tip the best, and we will go out of our way to make you happy because of it."
After-hours are a bed of sin
"The faint smell of nicotine on your linen napkin? Those little gray flecks stuck to your table? Yep. We smoke inside after hours."
Your forgetfulness does not transfer to your server
"Certain people in that group will think that not remembering eating the surf 'n turf is a perfectly acceptable excuse to not pay for it. That's why we write everything down."
If you're a friend, you're still paying for drinks
"Our friends, or friends of our friends, honestly think they’re getting all those free drinks because we like them. This is obviously not true. Please drop me a $20 for risking my job. Also, pay for your drinks."