A Drinking Game to Get You Through the Royal Wedding

EMMANUEL DUNAND/AFP/Getty Images
EMMANUEL DUNAND/AFP/Getty Images

For many people, the much-ballyhooed upcoming Royal Wedding (for the oblivious, American actress Meghan Markle is marrying British Prince, Harry, last name non-existent) is another media-fueled annoyance, dominating the news cycle.

For us, it's a fine excuse to wake up at the crack of dawn and drink in the name of... well, drinking.

The wedding is being held at St George's Chapel, at Windsor Castle this Saturday (May 19), and live coverage will start on most major American networks starting at 4am ET (the actual wedding starts at noon, across the pond). Is this too early to start drinking? Perhaps. But this is a special occasion. And sometimes, tea just doesn't cut it.

And if you just stay up all night on Friday, it will be late instead of early. Which is better... maybe? At any rate, if you want to drink with purpose, this easy-to-follow drinking game should be the perfect viewing companion to this lovely union of British/American souls.

Cheerio... I guess?

Take a drink if...

1. The announcers mention Suits

2. Prince George cries

3. Prince Charles cries

4. The announcers try on an awkward, faux-British accent

5. Anyone says "across the pond," "cheerio," "teatime," or any other British cliche we used in our intro

6. If you see Fergie, Duchess of Wales

7. If you see Fergie, Duchess of "My Humps"

8. An American actress is present at the wedding... aside from Meghan, obviously.

9. The phrase "storybook romance" is used

10. Elton John is shown, mentioned, or played

11. The announcers talk about football... meaning, soccer

12. Anyone says the word "Pippa."

13. Prince Charles looks goofy (this is subjective, so use your own judgment here)

14. You spot an egregious, blue hat

15. They mention the price of the wedding… and it's more than you've made in the last 10 years

16. Someone mentions Harry's wild past

17. Someone mentions Harry's "Las Vegas incident," specifically

18. Someone arrives on horseback

19. Megan is compared to Kate Middleton

20. The Obamas are there

21. Someone says "Trump," even if they aren't talking about the president.

22. The first kiss has noticeable tongue

23. Something during the vows gets an audible laugh

24. Someone calls the wedding, Meghan, Harry -- or anything, really -- "unconventional."

25. Someone throws up

Finish your drink if...

1. The Spice Girls reunite

2. Ellie Goulding (rumored ex of Harry) shows up and formally objects

3. One of the Spice Girls formally objects

4. There's a Royal streaker

5. The Queen smiles

Finish your drink and someone else's drink if...

1. Prince Harry takes off a mask and is really David Beckham

2. David Beckham shows up, in nothing but tighty whities.

3. A wild carriage horse crashes through the stained glass windows

4. Trump live tweets the wedding.

5. A Prince hologram appears. Specifically, this Prince.

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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. He's probably not going to watch. Follow him: @wilfulton.