Eating stale Chinese takeout fortune cookies for breakfast
They are so not almost a pastry. Or a cereal, so save the milk.
Systematically eliminating all the lonely bobbing pickled whatevers out of their jars on the fridge door while you watch TV
Sure, convince yourself it's too late to order a real meal.
Getting anything you've thrown away out of the trash can
You're eating food... that was in the trash can.
Mixing and matching packaged noodles and powdered sauces
Mac and cheese ramen might make sense at some wacky artisan restaurant, but your kitchen is not that.
Dan Gentile is a staff writer on Thrillist's national food and drink team. He promises he's going to start buying Spring mix again/stop letting it wilt. Follow him to empty frozen pizza boxes at @Dannosphere.