Obviously. Next question: Am I correct in assuming that the more particular my sexual peccadillos, the harder my sex life will be?
“It’s very upsetting, as a matter of fact,” says B.W, the guy who wants to be punched into a cake. “Because sometimes you’re dating a girl that you really like, but then you start to lose interest. One girl I dated, she really got into it. I felt like I won the lottery or something. And then she moved away. Once you get that and it goes away, you’re back to bread and water. It does get kind of shitty.”
“It’s like that scene in the movie Secretary, when Maggie Gyllenhaal's character is looking for a play partner, there’s that guy who wants to be tied to the oven while someone is throwing tomatoes at him. That’s a really specific fetish,” MerryVice says. “Some people who are fetishists are like, 'this is what I need, this is what I’m looking for,' and of course, for them it’s much more difficult. For other people, it’s more playful.”
Do I need to be concerned about anything else?
“A few times a year, I like to go to really nice restaurants,” MerryVice says. “And I’m one of those people who, my eyes will roll back in my head and I will moan if I eat really good food. So getting turned on in public does happen, and it is food-inspired. I try to go to really nice places on off-hours, like right when they just open, so I can have the place to myself and my husband can tease and taunt me. I have another friend who is a clown-player, who likes messy things, and he and I will go out, and I’ll be like, 'Awww, there’s barbecue sauce on my arm.' And he’ll lean over and lick it off."
“The biggest hurdle is prep,” MessyMadMan says. “Its hard to get in the mood while taking time to shop, prep, mix, etc. It interrupts the sexual mood sometimes. Also, food can cause itching, smell, and potentially yeast infections, too. So you need to clean up well.”
“We try to limit the number of colored substances or really runny substances, because more often than not, we’re doing it in my bedroom,” B.L. says. “We use clear shower curtains, and we’ll put one over the floor and one over the wall and tape them together. We also have a blow-up kiddie pool that we put a mat down inside to make the cleanup easier. But yeah, I’ve got a roommate, and he definitely knows. We’ve had an instance where it’s three or four in the morning and we’re at home playing and all of a sudden, the roommate and a bunch of people will get back from the bar. It’s like, ‘Oh shit.’ They’re obviously looking for us because they know we’re here. So we’re locked in our room waiting for everyone to go to sleep.”
Can you explain food play to someone who’s maybe not that into it?
“I’d say it’s kind of like a submission-bondage thing, but with a silly feel to it,” B.L. says. “I’m actually glad I said that. It’s a dirty, submissive, humiliating way of having an intimate relationship. But at the same time, it’s pretty hilarious.”
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Jacqueline Detwiler is a senior editor at Popular Mechanics who writes about science, travel, sex, and food. She has never had sex as a plate, but would consider being a fork if anyone can figure out how that would work. Follow her @jacquidetwiler.