1. Five Guys Little Cheeseburger
Add-ons: jalapeños, green peppers, and hot sauce
When I eat something really spicy, I feel a rush of panic. I get flustered. It's like having a hangnail -- it's a consuming, temporary pain that seems like it'll be with you forever, but it turns out you're just a wuss who needs to stop picking at his nails. Moral of the story, this burger is hot! Scorching! And not an artificial type of hot like the other burgers; we're talking an all-natural steaminess that I actually felt in my cheeks.
Despite the intense heat, I kept eating. Despite the fact that I had three more burgers to try in the next hour, I kept eating. This burger was just right on. The hot sauce gave it a complex flavor, the green peppers had great crunch, and the cheese offered a nice dairy reprieve from those hard-hitting jalapeños. My only complaint is that when I asked for a single patty, the woman at the counter said, "Oh, you want a LITTLE cheeseburger". And that made me feel like less of a man.