13 really, really stupid kitchen gadgets you should never buy

Frankformer Kitchen Appliance

There're certain things that you absolutely want to have in your kitchen, like a blender, a cast-iron pan, and someone who actually knows how to cook. Then there're the other things, which you absolutely don't need, but that might end up in your kitchen because someone has no idea that you're supposed to buy people socks and festive bottles of Malibu for Christmas. Or maybe you drank that Malibu and ended up watching QVC. Either way, here are 13 really, really stupid kitchen gadgets. Check your shelves to see what kind of person you are.

pizza scissors

Left-handed pizza-lovers are out of luck.

milk pourer

You'll never cry over spilled milk again, thanks to this ingenious handled milk diaper.

Garlic Zoom

This micro-machine called the Garlic Zoom slices garlic as it rolls around, saving you a whole 10sec of valuable chopping time.

Singing Cake Slice
Presents For Men

With the push of a button, this Cake Slice will sing a variety of tunes ranging from Jingle Bells to the Birthday Song, making it the perfect gift for someone who doesn't have any friends.

titanium spork
Think Geek

The utensil of choice for jailbreakers: the titanium spork.

SpitJack meat injector

Worried about the dangers of vaccine-free beef? A simple hot injection from the SpitJack will cure what ail's your meat, or, level it up with an amazing marinade.

Hamburger hot dog mold
The Fancy

Thanks to this handy mold, your hamburger can fulfill the wild dreams it never had of becoming a hot dog.

trash bowl

Rachael Ray knows how to fulfill the needs of the modern chef, who obviously needs a special ceramic "garbage bowl" to "reduce trips to the garbage while you are chopping, slicing, dicing, and cooking". But wait -- "it can be used to prepare food as well as serve it in style"!! Dirty, garbage style!! It's like Derelicte for the home.

bloody spatula
Neato Shop

Now steak won't be the only food from your kitchen served bloody.


The Frankformer lets your hot dogs fulfill the wild dreams they never had of becoming little funny-shaped people.

Grab Opener
Grab Opener

When a regular bottle opener just isn't fast enough, opt for this -- the absolute fastest bottle opener in the world. The video proof is here.


The height of weight loss technology is this fork that tells you if you're eating too fast.

mustache cookie cutters
Fred and Friends

Mustache cookie cutters -- the first successful combination of hair and cookie ever.