Some foods try to hide their unhealthy qualities under leafy greens or miso glazes, whereas others proudly don jackets of crumbled Cool Ranch Doritos and brazenly go where no pizza has gone before: into a deep fryer. We visited the Texas State Fair in order to take a year off our lives taste some of the most ridiculous fried foodstuffs ever conceived, from the award-winning Fried Thanksgiving Dinner to the award-winning Fried Cuban Roll.
This Stretchy Ice Cream Is Made With Wine & Cheese
Big Tex burned to the ground last year, but he's been rebuilt to welcome you to the fair. Eat all of this stuff and you too will earn a nickname based on your gigantic size.
This year's award for most creative dish goes to the Fried Thanksgiving Dinner, a perfect combination of stuffing, turkey, and creamed corn that was the result of a year and a half of research & development.
Yes, that is a deep-fried Reese's Peanut Butter Cup topped with a totally not-superfluous fistful of powdered sugar.
No longer just a fictitious latex company, Vandalay (sic) Industries is now a reality that's peddling the stuff fry-oil-induced fever dreams are made of.
These fried PB&Js are finished off with a shot from their industrial whipped cream gun, and would very much like to be your latex salesman.
Although it didn't take home any official prizes, the Cool Ranch Doritos Deep Fried Pizza stole our heart. Or rather, stole our pulmonary valve and replaced it with one that isn't nearly as effective at pumping out deoxygenated blood.
This is what fried lemonade looks like.
The turkey leg still holds the title of Most Seminal State Fair Food even though it's not nearly deep-fried enough.
Adorable bunny-rabbit intermission.
Ok, back to it. Buffalo chicken battered in jalapeno bread crumbs doused in maple syrup... on a stick.
The overall taste winner for this year was the deep-fried Cuban roll, which your arteries will certainly wish to embargo.
For the frugal and slightly more health-conscious patrons, there's always the Dollar Dog pavilion.
Pigs aren't just for eating, they are also for racing, and, quite alternately, fattening to the point where they can barely walk without falling down. For those keeping score at home, that hog on the bottom weighs 1010lbs.
That 1010lb pig could keep a Spam factory in business for an entire year.
The creative arts building houses a refrigerated Big Tex sculpture made out of 4000lbs of butter -- proof that the fair isn't all about gluttony, but damn if it's not going to be involved in some fashion.