The 13 Worst Office Lunches Ever

Sad Lunches!
All photos by Mary Sunshine
All photos by Mary Sunshine

Did your midday meal fail to deliver on even its limited promise? That’s a bummer. Not a Michael Douglas Falling Down-level bummer, but still, it sucks, and it’s sad. So sad that we made a list of just how sad the saddest office lunches can be. Because while pizza (no matter how old and cold) can never be that sad, build-your-own salads can definitely reach epic levels of unfortunate. So read on, and next time think about leaving the office to scarf down a far more joyous meal.

The saddest of pastas

Sad Pasta
Leftover Tupperware pasta that’s too small a portion to be an actual meal and you microwaved it but it was like vodka sauce and meat (not sure what kind) and it's all congealed… this isn’t how life is supposed to be.

The saddest of salads

Sad Made-To-Order Salad
Wilted mixed greens in a plastic tub filled with random salad bar options picked out of pure panic because of the line behind you. “Uh...chickpeas! Tamarind oranges. Grilled chicken! Peanut butter? A horse! Balsamic vinaigrette...wait! Russian dressing! Wait, no! Ahhhh I hate my mother!”

The saddest of wraps

Sad Wrap
Mmmmmm… instead of bread someone rolled your meager sandwich stuffings in wet cardboard. Yum.

The saddest of salad wraps

Sad Salad Wrap
The Voltron of sadness. This edible bite of despondency would probably be #1 on the sadness scale, except to its credit it does satisfy the urge to eat a salad without utensils.

The saddest of office sandwiches

Sad Half A Ciabatta Tomato Sandwich From A Sales Meeting Sitting Next To The Office Keurig For The Past Two Hours
If you’re not invited to the meeting, go out to lunch. This thing tastes of more popular employees’ Power Point presentations.

The saddest of bag lunches

Sad White Bread Turkey Lunch Meat & Yellow Cheese Sandwich You Brought From Home Plus Maybe A Banana
You’re sacking it because a story from a sociopathic finance blogger claimed you would save over $100,000 in your lifetime by bringing bagged lunch every day. Congrats! You may not be able to put a price on happiness, but you definitely can put a price on not-sadness -- the $7-$9 it'd take to buy a solid meal at the restaurant that spawned the unbeatable maxim, "Lunch is the first happy hour of the day".

The saddest of...whatever this is

Anything From That Place That Makes Everything And None of It Is Good
Who decided it would be totally genius to open a place that encourages you to fill a plastic box with shrimp cocktail, sausage and peppers, and... are those plantains?

The saddest of pizzas

Sad Office Party Pizza That’s Been In The Fridge Since Last Week
Does the microwave have a “Regain Your Dignity” setting? Oh, right, you like your pizza cold. And old. It is still pizza though.

The saddest of office snacks

Sad Vending Machine Snacks
No, you don't get any Healthy Is Happy points because you opted for Kale Or Be Kaled© green crunchy…things over Fruit Log®.

The saddest of juice cleanses

Sad Juice Cleanse
Who knew you could lose weight by never eating and just drinking water with hot sauce and mustard and deer pee or whatever!? Everybody. Everybody knew that and they very wisely decided to not do it.

The saddest sushi

Sad Sushi In The Sad Plastic Box
It’s impossible to buy enough to fill you up unless you get a party tray from Costco, it tastes like wet, it’s mostly rice, and you’ve got a sneaking suspicion that California roll has been around since before California.

The saddest, most expensive sandwich

Sad $17 Sandwich
It’s too bad your closest option is a “lunch concept” store. Instead of mayo, it’s sundried tomato spread. Hero? Nope, artisan raisin loaf. Lettuce? Fresh dandelion greens! Sure, the thing tastes fine but paying for an underprivileged youth’s first semester at college would have been cool too.

Sad, sad, carrots and hummus

Sad Hummus With Sad Carrots
If only the volume of the crunch translated into flavor. But it doesn’t. You’re just dredging a fiber stick through cold brown stuff.