The Group Dinner Freeloader
Thank you for ordering a martini when everyone else got beer, and that extra soup that no one else got, and then realizing you were late for something vague, and hoping it was “chill” if you just left $20. #YouMustBeDestroyed
The Perpetual Instagrammer
We get that it’s hard to enjoy food if a) no one knows you’re eating it, and b) it’s not filtered through X-Pro II (or, ugh, Kelvin), but -- wait, no, we don’t at all.
The Waitress Pick-Up Artist
Did you just draw a pen15 next to your cell number on the check? Does that really work? Also: do you realize you only tipped 15%?
The Noise-Averse Old People
You do know you came to this restaurant of your own accord, right? And aren’t you supposed to actually hear less as you get older?