Lifestyle

The Best Kale in Every State in America

united states of kale
Shutterstock / Derek Springsteen/Thrillist

Kale is hot. There probably hasn’t been a hotter vegetable since Popeye-era spinach, or maybe since people realized that you can make broccoli smaller and far more edible just by putting an “ini” at the end of it. But unlike men (even the ones who love kale), not all kale is created equal. So we set out on a nationwide search, and tracked down the best kale in every single state in this crazy kale-loving country of ours. 

Welcome to Kale University, enrollment, EVERYONE.
 

Alabama

What you’re getting: Kale
Especially the kale in Huntsville. Mmm, good stuff.
 

Alaska

What you’re getting: Kale
Did you know some parts of the year Alaska has daylight almost the whole day? Think of how much kale-eating you could get done!

kale
Shutterstock/Anna Hoychuk

Arizona

What you’re getting: Kale
Kale prevents heat stroke among the elderly.
 

Arkansas

What you’re getting: Kale
Wooooeeeeee Kale Soooiiieeeee!!!
 

California

What you’re getting: Really nice kale
California is in a major drought. KALE!
 

Colorado

What you’re getting: Kale
Somehow that potent, dank kale has ALWAYS been legal here.
 

Connecticut

What you’re getting: Kale
Kale > Yale.
 

Delaware

What you’re getting: Kale
The First State was busy ratifying that Constitution so they could get their kale on.
 

Florida

What you’re getting: Kale
Florida has a problem with thousands of invasive pythons hiding out in the Everglades. Maybe lure them out with some of that kale?

kale
Shutterstock/Stacey Newman

Georgia

What you’re getting: Kale
Kyle Korver Kale... is, in retrospect, not the best idea for a business venture for the sharpshooting Atlanta Hawks forward. But that opens up a big-time opportunity for Al Horford.
 

Hawaii

What you’re getting: Kale
Famously immortalized on iconic volcano Mt. Kale-auea.
 

Idaho

What you’re getting: Kale
Idaho scientists are working to cross-breed kale with the potato, but until then, kale is the pick here.
 

Illinois

What you’re getting: Kale
They dye the Chicago River green every March. It isn’t supposed to have anything to do with kale, but who can really be sure?
 

Indiana

What you’re getting: Kale
Have they been in the news lately? It wasn’t kale-related, was it?
 

Iowa

What you’re getting: Kale
Chris Kingsbury ate so much of this kale in college you guys. It worked. Look it up.
 

Kansas

What you’re getting: Kale
Rock. Chalk. Jayhawk. But also kale.

Kale
iStock.com/YinYang

Kentucky

What you’re getting: Kale
The secret to getting a horse to run fast? Post-race kale party! Also steroids.
 

Louisiana

What you’re getting: Kale
No joke: there is nothing better to eat in New Orleans than their kale.
 

Maine

What you’re getting: Kale
Maine may have gained statehood as a part of the Missouri Compromise, but this state does not compromise the quality of its kale.
 

Maryland

What you’re getting: Kale
Try sprinkling some Old Bay... on second thought, nah, this kale is too good all by itself.
 

Massachusetts

What you’re getting: Kale
Harvard and MIT are two world-renowned universities where people probably also eat kale sometimes.
 

Michigan

What you’re getting: Kale
Kale just might be the new automobile. Think about it.
 

Minnesota

What you’re getting: Kale
Jucy Lucy? More like Somewhat-Dry Kale!

kale
Shutterstock/Vezzani Photography

Mississippi

What you’re getting: Kale
There’s no excuse for this much obesity with kale of such fine quality.
 

Missouri

What you’re getting: Kale
The Show-Me State! Hey, how about you show me and everyone else some of that top-quality kale?
 

Montana

What you’re getting: Kale
Montana is the fourth-largest state by area. Use more of that space to grow that yummy kale guys!
 

Nebraska

What you’re getting: Kale
An underrated Bruce Springsteen album, and an underrated kale state.
 

Nevada

What you’re getting: Kale
Not making wholesome Nevada kale a part of your diet is the real gamble -- WITH YOUR LIFE!
 

New Hampshire

What you’re getting: Kale
It’s just really solid kale, okay?
 

New Jersey

What you’re getting: Kale
Don’t fuggedabout the really good kale that’s here.

kale
iStock.com/ginew

New Mexico

What you’re getting: Kale
“Buena col rizada” is Spanish for “good kale.”
 

New York

What you’re getting: Kale
The real "Empire State of Mind"? Thinking about eating a buncha kale.
 

North Carolina

What you’re getting: Kale
Dean Smith died and left all his former players $200 for a nice dinner. Hope he won’t be mad when Dante Calabria spends it all on kale!
 

North Dakota

What you’re getting: Kale
Wait, the other one has Mount Rushmore? Whatever, there’s still kale!
 

Ohio

What you’re getting: Kale
Well, it’s no Michigan kale, but Ohio is still more than holding its own in the kale department.
 

Oklahoma

What you’re getting: Kale
Oklahoma! O-kale!
 

Oregon

What you’re getting: Kale
Fact: LaMarcus Aldridge would rather play for the Kale-blazers.

kale
iStock.com/Karaidel

Pennsylvania

What you’re getting: Kale
The best cheesesteak recipe? Take two handfuls of kale and go to town.
 

Rhode Island

What you’re getting: Kale
The smallest state in the union is big on kale flavor!
 

South Carolina

What you’re getting: Kale
Hootie & the Blowfish started here. On a related note “Let Her Cry” is a really good song to listen to while eating some kale and sobbing about your ex-girlfriend who dumped you in 1995.
 

South Dakota

What you’re getting: Kale
Badlands become Goodlands if you’re eating kale.
 

Tennessee

What you’re getting: Kale
Kale-house rock! Get it, because Graceland is here?! They probably don’t have kale there, but soon maybe?
 

Texas

What you’re getting: Kale
The line at Franklin BBQ is always crazy-long, which is super confusing because they don’t serve kale?
 

Utah

What you’re getting: Kale
The Mormon religion isn’t so hot on alcohol and caffeine. Neither of those are in kale, so party time!

kale
iStock.com/PoppyB

Vermont

What you’re getting: Kale
Vermont is nicknamed the Green Mountain State. Is one of those mountains covered in kale? Possibly!
 

Virginia

What you’re getting: Kale
Don’t be cavalier... and dismiss this state’s nutritious and delicious kale.
 

Washington

What you’re getting: Kale
Have you ever watched the guys tossing fish around at Pike Place Market? Ignore them, they’re just trying to distract you from all the mouthwatering kale.
 

Washington, DC

What you’re getting: Kale
Kale to the Chief, amirite?!
 

West Virginia

What you’re getting: Kale
Country roads... take me home... so I can... eat some kaaaaaaale!
 

Wisconsin

What you’re getting: Kale
Pro tip: you can’t really make cheese out of kale, but it doesn’t matter, because this is some really good kale!
 

Wyoming

What you’re getting: Kale
Have you ever gone to Yellowstone National Park? Big mistake pal, that time could have been spent enjoying some of the nation’s most Vitaman A-rich kale!

When not writing for Thrillist, Tuck Danbridge is a Hollywood stuntman who specializes in high-speed car work and big falls. He doesn’t believe in Twitter because he’s too busy believing in kale.