4. Act II Butter Lovers
Price: 3 for $1.58
Packaging: 2 - Looks like it's from the part of the '80s that was not the good part. I mean, the New Kids didn't even show up until the decade's third act.
Butteriness: 5 - You can see pretty clearly which pieces you want. These are dusted very unevenly. They taste like the cheddar cheese popcorn from those tin tubs of three-colored corn that your Mom gets as Christmas presents because she's a teacher.
Fluffiness: 3 - They deflate when they hit your teeth, but not like a balloon. It's like an air mattress that you have to sit on to make the air go out.
Overall flavors: 5 - Although the taste's far from actual butter, it's hard to be too disappointed with the sheer amount of flavor involved.
Final score: 3.75 - DEFINITELY NOT FIRST OR THIRD ACT MATERIAL.
3. Orville Redenbacher's Gourmet Popping Corn Movie Theater Butter
Price: 2 for $2.18
Packaging: 6 - The step-by-step instruction diagrams are a delightful cross between airline safety pamphlets and Tintin.
Butteriness: 7 - This is the only bag that had a separate pour-over butter component. The first taste of the butter is really intense, but it fades very quickly. The flavor profile is shaped like a sine wave: it starts really high, then wanes at just the right pace to give you enough time to reach for another bite.
Fluffiness: 8 - Serious crunch! It disintegrates in a magic way when hitting saliva, a technique pioneered by Cheetos in order to trick your brain into thinking it isn't actually consuming calories.
Overall flavors: 7 - This is a pretty solid choice. The wetness gives it an entirely different mouth/finger feel than any other popcorn, and it can't help but give the impression that the food scientist who worked on this won an employee of the month award.
Final score: 7 - ORVILLE REDENBACHER IS A WEIRD NAME BUT IT IS ONE YOU CAN TRUST.