1. Vanilla ice cream
This is it. This is fucking it. Eff milk, ice cream is the ultimate coolant. Cold and equal parts milk and sugar (the two most effective flavors so far), a single spoonful of ice cream immediately stifled all traces of hot sauce-caused pain, then sent me back into the recesses of my food memory and took all the heartbreaking choices that ever led me to question my sense of self-worth and self-respect and replaced them with a new optimism and a renewed faith that, yes, I will finish that bowl of pad kee mao, thanks.
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Michelle No is a production assistant at Thrillist, and she is a year-round ice cream eater. Follow her on Twitter at @Michelle_No and Instagram at @MichelleNope.