As I'd never set foot in this industrial wonderland of cake and cheese, I took support in the form of my girlfriend. Mostly because I knew I could expense her meal. Thanks for the free date, Thrillist!
We walked in and I felt like I'd stepped into Vegas circa 1985. Palm trees, mirrors, and marble abounded. I can kind of see how all of this '80s-era glitz and glamour might feel chic to someone. The lighting was dim. I had a theory.
"It's dark in here to hide the shame on your face while you're eating a 5,000-calorie meal," I said to my dining partner. She laughed, but she called me a cynic a few times that night. But I'm not! I had an open mind when I walked in. I wanted to love this place. Besides, I love cheesecake! And Cracker Barrel! And Oreo! And Sonic! I'm not a food elitist, dammit.