“‘I'd like $14 for the first one you drank.’
“‘Right, right. It's, uh, it's in my jacket.’
“‘I'm going to call the cops.’ Even though this was a bluff on my part, my manager overheard me and took it upon himself to call the cops anyway. I had a pretty rad manager.
“‘That's fine,’ the man said, ‘cops love me, I'm a candidate for president! I have a business card... ’ He started fishing around in his pants pockets for another card, but in doing so also discovered a large wad of cash.
“As he paid me, the police arrived to escort him out of the bar. They told him they were going to take him to a parade and he willingly got in the back of the squad car.” -- Josh Harrelson
Quite honestly one of the best stories I’ve ever received
“My family (parents, maternal grandparents, aunt, aunt's then-boyfriend) and I are on vacation in Maui. I am an adorably chubby three-year-old with a really loud belly laugh I employ every few minutes because, I don't know, everything is just fucking hilarious to a three-year-old. Also, I think I insisted upon only eating Gerber's sweet potato baby food goop at this point, and despite still being in diapers, I was smart enough to have conversations and shit. I just didn't wanna grow up, and I didn't give a crap about how I acted in public as long as it didn't piss my parents off to the point they'd take me home. I think I may have flashed half the restaurant because fuck you, I'm a fat three-year-old covered in non-Newtonian fluid sweet potato.