The hired gun
She replied to a Craigslist ad to write positive reviews of real restaurants she's never been to. It's better than the other time she found a job on Craigslist, where some creepy dude paid her $50 to watch her eat a bowl of soup.
The last person on Earth who does not have spell-check or auto-correct
Thee food waz thet horible, huh?
The asshole who received bad service
They don't realize that when you treat the waitstaff like sh*t, they might treat you like garbage in return. Next time, their review should include the part where they snapped to get a server's attention.
The person who starts every review with “I really want to like this place but...”
He was 10 and got Hot Wheels for his birthday, but he really wanted Nickelodeon GAK. Still, his parents were nice enough to buy him something, and he didn't want to hurt their feelings, so he fitfully played with the Hot Wheels for a second until it sunk in that he was never going to get what he wanted. He was a dick to his parents for weeks after that.