Valentine's Day is the day couples flood our nation's restaurants with love and too much cologne, forcing single people back into their homes, where they'll heat up another sad microwavable meal. If you make it out on the 14th, this handy guide will help you identify the couples you'll be seeing that night.
The couple who insists on ordering all the aphrodisiac foods, because, frankly, they kind of need some sort of sexual placebo at this point.
"I dunno honey, do you think 56 oysters is going to be enough?"
The couple who are older and happier than everyone else in the restaurant
This ruins your self-destructive theory that all marriages are inherently doomed.