Every year growing up, it's the same thing: you dutifully put on your 14th president of the United States Franklin Pierce costume, and set out into the neighborhood, knocking on doors with dreams of full-size Butterfingers and Snickers and Twizzlers dancing in your head, only to watch those nougat-based hopes crushed by an old lady handing out boxes of raisins. So, in an effort to put a stop to those kind of kid-saddening shenanigans, we're offering up our list of the 18 worst "candies" to receive on Halloween. Be sure to print it out and hand it to your neighbors.
Now, on their own, Fireballs are actually a strong, timeless candy. But Halloween, and the days following it until that TJ Hooker pillowcase is empty, are all about speed. To properly earn your keep while Fireball-eating, you’ve gotta put in at least three-to-five solid minutes of heat-beating. To properly keep your teeth, you have to suck on that oddly delicious central candy orb for about 15 more. Paul Gelardi just ate 27 fun-size Milky Ways and a Chunky in that same time frame.