The Old Dude
He’s somebody’s uncle, or former teacher, or maybe your dad. And while he’s super chill and relaxed and once met Gregg Allman and was at Altamont when shit got crazy, his very presence is making everybody extremely uncomfortable for no good reason.
How high is he right now? So fucking high! How bad does he have the munchies? So bad that he’s been staring at the same pile of snack foods for at least 20 minutes while loudly declaring how high he is. Has anybody ever been higher? Why yes. It was him. Every day since he started puffing.
He has no idea where your brand new glass pipe went, so just stop asking. You probably misplaced it. The next time you see him, he will have a pipe that looks suspiciously like yours. But don’t worry. He’s had it since, like, forever.