Only eat the crust
Just get breadsticks, ya dummy.
Ask to remove any of the basic three ingredients
I worked at a pizza shop for an uneventful six months during high school. We would regularly get requests to make pizzas without cheese (lactose-intolerant!), sauce (not sure, weirdos!), and one time (I shit you not) without any bread. Yes, this woman wanted a pile of cheese and sauce -- I'm not even sure how she wanted us to cook it.
Pizza is simple. If you don't like red sauce, cheese, and crust, you don't like pizza. And if you don't like pizza, well... then I don't like you.
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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. He actually really, really likes ranch dressing on pizza. Follow him: @wilfulton.