My mom, too. If your mom lives within a 50-mile radius of a Trader Joe's, she shops there. She'll bring home snacks you never knew existed, because moms have a sixth sense for what you'll want to eat when you visit home. If your mom is anything like my mom, all those snacks will probably be from this list.
The Demon Spawn
She's adorable with her bow-legged baby steps, pushing that miniature cart around the store… and right into your damn Achilles tendon. Does TJ's sell branded painkillers?
The Fearless Flyer
This old lady is way too busy looking at the store’s weekly ad to pay attention to where her cart is going. When the Demon Spawn grows up, she becomes this woman.
The Woman in the Sample Line Who Apparently Used to Play Hockey
You let her hunched-over stature fool you, and you paid the price. She body-checked you for a bullshit cracker with mediocre room-temperature cheese on it. You'll be sore for days, but ultimately? Worth it. Free cheese is free cheese.