Food & Drink

Twinkies are back. TWINKIES. ARE. BACK.

The new Twinkies
Photo: <em>NY Post</em>

They're back. A year after Hostess filed for bankruptcy in the wake of ugly in-fighting, those little tubular sponge cakes with creamy filling that you and the bulk of nuclear survivalists love are back, expected to hit shelves by July 15th. The company is proudly proclaiming a "leaner" business structure, but that in no way means that their product will make you any leaner yourself.* *Okay, well they didn't actually say that last part.** **But that doesn't mean it isn't true!

Source: Timestudonia's Tumblr
Move aside, 2004 Red Sox, because the new boxes of Twinkies will bear the totally true tag-line, "The Sweetest Comeback in the History of Ever." A box of 10 Twinkies will still only set you back $3.99, and the company says different styles of Twinkie, like flavored cakes and crunchy-textured cakes, could be in the works. Plus, we might not be far from Twinkies that are gluten-free, come with added fiber, or have low sugar/sodium, for the all those Twinkie-loving health nuts out there. Also, the company that now owns Hostess also owns Chef Boyardee and PBR (among others), so start sending your fan-mail begging for hybrids like TwinkieOs and beer-filled Twinkies NOW.
The company's president swears that these little guys won't actually last forever, despite their reputation, and insists that they should be consumed within 45 days. But, if anything, that just means that people will be more desperate to eat them right away, so you should probably go ahead and call in sick for July 15th right now.